帮助孩子应对失去

孩子的应对 A child’s understanding of death changes with age. A 4-year-old does not have the same view of death as a 9-year-old. Research confirms that between the ages of 9 and 12, children arrive at an adult understanding of death. Prior to this time, children do not view death in the same manner as adults.

Tips for telling a child about a loss

首先通过触摸交流
- 抱着你的孩子.
- 坐得离孩子近一点.
- 把孩子抱在腿上.
- 握住孩子的手.
Talk about things your child has experienced or noticed already.
- 怀孕
- Father and/or mother crying, worried, sad
- 母亲住院了
Encourage and allow your child to ask questions
包括成人现实
告诉你的孩子会发生什么
加强积极记忆
Acknowledge and share your feelings
Explain death in an understandable manner (simply and honestly)
When appropriate, let your child make the decision whether he or she will attend the funeral
Encourage your child to talk openly about his/her feelings
Allow him or her to express feelings
Support expression of emotions appropriate to grief and death
Help your child deal with his or her feelings and emotions

和孩子谈论死亡

When discussing the subject of death with children, be aware of their ability to understand certain things about death. The following outline can serve as a guide when addressing this sensitive issue with children.

Infants and Toddlers (birth to 3 years)

不了解死亡.
Can be expected to respond to stress and changes in the family.

Preschool Children (3 to 5 years)

死亡只是一种分离.
Death is reversible – not permanent.
Death means continued life only under different circumstances.
Death may be viewed as punishment.

School-age Children (5 to 9 years)

Death may be seen as a person, place or thing.
死亡是有人格的.
死亡是最后的结局.
Death is not universal – it can be avoided.

Pre-teen Children (9 to 11 years)

死亡是真实而最终的.
死亡是自然的.
Death is inevitable (it can happen to anyone) and irreversible.
Death separates the living from the non-living.

青少年(12至18岁)

死亡是生命的终结.
Death is associated with feelings and emotions.
死亡是生命中自然的一部分.
Death is seen from an "adult" viewpoint.

Helpful guidelines regarding children and funerals

While encouraging your child to participate in the funeral, provide choices. There is a real difference between the questions, “You really don’t want to go to the funeral, 你?” and “Would you like to come to the funeral with me?” The first tells the child, “Don’t come.” The second provides a genuine choice.
Let children anticipate what they will observe at the funeral, 比如花, 房间会是什么样子, 谁会来?, 他们要在那里待多久, 等.
Help children anticipate that they will see people expressing a wide variety of emotions at the funeral. If adults are able to openly show feelings, 包括眼泪, children will feel freer to express a sense of loss at their own level.
Help your child understanding why we have funerals. Children need to understand that the funeral is a time of sadness because someone has died, a time to honor the person who died, a time to help comfort and support each other and a time to affirm that life goes on.
Allow children first to visit the funeral home with only a few people who are especially close, allowing them more freedom to react and talk openly about their feelings and concerns.
Maintain the presence of caring adults before, during and after the funeral. Physical closeness and comfort can be reassuring to children during times of distress. Speaking specific words may not be as important as touching your child's shoulder, placing your hand on his or her back or giving him or her a shoulder to cry on.
Do not prescribe to children what they should feel or for how long, particularly during the funeral experience. Remember that children often experience a “short sadness span” and that outward signs of grief may come and go. Realize that a lack of externalized mourning does not mean that children are not impacted by the loss.
Recognize that viewing the body of someone who has died can be a part of the healing process. Most children have no innate fears of dead bodies. Viewing the body provides an opportunity to say goodbye and to help children acknowledge the reality of the death. Seeing the body often becomes even more important in situations where death was sudden and unexpected. As with attending the funeral, however, seeing the body should not be forced.
Remember to be a good observer of your child’s behavior. Be patient and available as you allow your child to teach you what the death of someone they loved is like for them.
Realize that although children may not completely understand the ceremony surrounding the death, being involved in the funeral helps establish a sense of comfort with the understanding.